Monday, July 30, 2012

Staying busy

I started writing this a week ago after our yard sale on July 21st but never published it...

God is more precious to me than ever.  God's Word, the Bible, is more precious to me than ever.  Samuel is more precious to me than ever.  I know it's only been 4 short weeks since Cayla died.  I feel like I'm changing.  I just wonder if I'll ever feel like I did before.  In some ways I guess I'll never be the same, but in a good way.  The closer to God I am, the stronger I am.  I still find tears popping up when I least expect them, but that's just how it's going to be.  I just feel things deeper than before.  I think about things more... could just be because I'm more tired than before.  :o)  Ok, so it's more than that.  I look and hear children around me being yelled at and parents so frustrated, I just want to tell them to step back and get the big picture.  Take time to enjoy the children you have while you have them and they're still close enough to kiss and hug.  Please keep doing this.  I wish I could with Cayla and I do all the time with Samuel. Just don't take them for granted.

I want to go see Dr. El Gammal.  She was Cayla's pediatrician.  That Friday was the last day before her 3 week vacation started.  What a way to start it.  She stayed by Cayla's side the entire time in the ER.  She was so focused on Cayla.  Another Dr. came and told us Cayla had died.  She came in later somewhat hesitantly, and I just went to her and hugged her for all she was worth, thanking her for all she did to try and help Cayla that day.  Pastor Emery said a little bit later when they left, that there were some doctors crying out in the ER.  I just feel like there's a loose end here.  I want to see her and talk to her.  I want to ask her if this was a reaction to her immunizations.  I don't really know what or how she's feeling or if she still thinks about that day, but I just want to talk about it.  I went in to her appointment the day before acting confident about Cayla's care but really not sure underneath it all.  Bottom line is that once again, God could have prevented her death, but chose not to.  I just feel strongly that I need to close this door that's still open and go talk to her.  I kind of dread going anywhere near the hospital again and her office is in the hospital.  I think I'll call Monday to see when I could come in and just talk to her.  It may be hard in different ways for both of us. 

I just want to put out a very special thank you to Kim Hunsicker. She has spent 4 out of the last 6 days at my house for the sole purpose of our yard sale. On Monday when she came, besides helping organize and price stuff, she managed to wash every dirty dish in my house. There were few clean ones still in the drawers and shelves when she started. This is huge because I know she hates doing dishes as much as I do, and I don't have a dishwasher... She came Thursday and wouldn't leave until we had everything priced and ready to go. She came Friday at 7am to help set up and stayed all day! She even brought lunch that day and fixed chili cheese hot dogs for us all. She came this morning at 8am and helped set up and stayed all the way until everything was put away and cleaned up. She not only helped with the yard sale itself, but just as importantly or maybe even more so, she talked, laughed, cried, hugged, held, listened, and was an incredible friend to me and all of us today and this whole week. I am blessed. Thank you Kim for your wonderful friendship! Something she said today has stuck with me about her remembering some extremely painful times in her life and what a difference people made who reached out to her during those times. She told herself and God that she would be that person to others going through hard times and that is what motivates her. Showing the love of God to others. So through her pain, God has been able to use her greatly in the many lives she's touched. She has definitely shown the love of God to me and all of us this week. Thank you Kim. Love you. ♥  

Our yard sale was a success from a yard-salers viewpoint, but I'm glad it's over.  It was a great distraction the whole week.  I need distractions.  I need to stay busy.  If I'm not having to do something where someone is expecting me, I don't get much done. Busy is good right now... Some yard sale pictures.  Kim and I both got a good bit of sun.

Kim and I

Kim, Gary and Samuel discussing...?

Lowell and Samuel riding scooters during the yard sale's slow times. :o)

Bernadette and I.  She set up a couple of tables of stuff too.

Kim was left alone for too long without any supervision.  She organized the Precious Moments by year.  :o)  The ones we still have are all the dated ones such as Baby's 1st Christmas 1994.  We have some dated from the 80's.  It's nice to see so many gone with just these few left over. 

Now we're back to Sunday night July 29th.  Actually it's July 30th since it's now almost 1am.

Ok, moving on from the yard sale.  I downloaded some pictures of Cayla's plot at the cemetery.  I took this first picture of the clouds the day after her funeral.  We were outside that evening at my in-laws house just enjoying the beauty of God's creation.  The kids were out back and I just laid down in the grass.  As I looked up at the beautiful sky, I thought about Cayla in heaven.  She's not back in that hole in the ground.  She's with God.  So I pulled the camera out of my pocket and took this to remind me.  There's also some of her special little place at the cemetery.

Since I'm going through pictures I've finally downloaded, I'll add some of my brother Jim and his family.  They came up from Berryville, VA for the funeral.

Jim and Marla at Lakeshore Park the day after the funeral.
Jim, Marla, Meg, Chloe, James, Micah, Clara, Julia and Matthew
(click on pictures to enlarge them)

At Lakeshore Park

Matthew  :o)

Meg, Chloe and Clara with Sheylyn, our other niece at Grandpa and Grandma's house.

Chloe, Julia and Clara

Jim, Samuel, James and Micah the morning they left for home.

I have so much more to write, but it's late.  I did get to see Dr. El Gammal on Friday, but will write about it later.  It was good for me to go and hear what she had to say.   Oh, and I also have Cayla's service to put on too.  I haven't looked at it 2 weeks.  Now David's almost getting the rest done.  I need to look into it this week.   Stay tuned... it shouldn't be long now.  :o)

I'm doing ok.  Still having tears hit me when I least expect it.  Still missing our precious Cayla Joy.  Jesus is giving peace.  Jesus is sustaining us.   He's everything.  Everything we need.  Everything He says He is in the Bible.  The Bible is true from beginning to end.  If you have never experienced God's salvation, you're missing out.  The 3 of us have all personally experienced Jesus Christ alive and working in our lives through this time with and without Cayla.  There is no denying it.  Once you've experienced its reality, you want everyone else to as well.

Well, till next time.  Maybe tomorrow.  We'll see.  :o)  Thanks again for the prayers so many are still praying.  We need them.  Thanks.


  1. Hi Linda, this is Jenny Corso (remember me & George?). Your testimony of the Lord's faithfulness and of the way He is sustaining you has deeply blessed and encouraged me. Thank you. I have been blessed to read about your precious Cayla Joy - what a darling little love. I'm imagining her wholly happy and healthy in the arms of Jesus. God bless your day today, Linda. In Christ, Jenny C.

    1. Hi Jenny, I guess the last time we saw each other was when you all came down to Destin and met us at a restaurant. It's been a while. Hope you all are doing well.
      Yes, she's in His arms. Knowing we'll see her again helps get through some tears... God is faithful. Thanks for the note!