Thursday, August 30, 2012

Cayla's Homegoing Service (playlist)

Well, it's taken me long enough to do this.  Part of me was not in a great hurry, but I guess I'm done procrastinating.  :o)

This is Cayla Joy's Homegoing Service.  She is at home in heaven already having met Jesus 1st of all and has been places I have never been.  She's walked on streets paved with gold.  Not knowing exactly how heaven works, she might have already been before God in His throne room.  Maybe that's where she started.  She's seen things I have only dreamt of.  She's met people I can't wait to meet.  She's met my mom... woah, that makes me cry.  She's doing great!  It's just us here on earth missing her that are having a hard time. 

I know I will see her again because God's Word, the Bible, says so.  I am going to heaven because I believe that Jesus took my place in dying on the cross.  He shed his blood to take the punishment for my sins.  He did it for all of us.  The verse in I John 1:7 that says, "...the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin."  My sins are covered.  Yours can be too.  In Romans 6:23 it says, "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."  Since eternal life = heaven, if I accept God's gift of salvation, I will go to heaven for eternity.  The only other choice is eternal death = hell.  You know, you may think me arrogant or whatever for saying that, but it's true and if you knew the truth, wouldn't you want everyone to know too?  Why would anyone knowingly choose eternal death.  It's real.  Not because I said so, but because the Bible does. So please, take a minute and think about it.  Take longer than a minute.  Our lives are just little blips compared to eternity.  When are you going to start planning for the biggest trip of your life?  We spend a lot of time planning for each day and for a week of vacation, what about eternity?  Eternity lasts a long time, but it's not long in coming.  Please think about this and prepare yourself for it.  Email me.  Thanks for those who've already "talked" to me through email.  I'm praying that you take the gift God's handing you today.  It's one of those things in life you never regret doing.      

David Brown, Elise's dad, let us use his video camera to record the service and has done a lot to edit and set them up online for us.  Thank you so much for doing this for us.  They couldn't be longer than 15 minute segments, so it's broken up into 5 videos.   The last two are after the service, of people coming up to talk to us and see Cayla one last time.   I would guess that I put them on there more for us, but others might like to see who was there as well. Many came for the calling hours before but could not stay for the service.  Pastor Emery spoke to each of our hearts that day.  His message is what we needed to hear.  There are parts where the camera didn't pick up the words clearly, so I am working on typing them out.  Maybe another post.   And the opening piano piece, "Jesus Loves Me and He Hideth My Soul", is being played by Elise's mom, Erin.  Thanks for a beautiful song!

Mother's Day... Love this picture.

6 weeks old.  Love this too. 

Cayla in her cocoon made by Grandma Pat.  Love it.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Answered Prayers

It's midnight this late Monday night... I've been wanting to write since last Friday.  I figured now is the time to write since the rest of this week looks way too busy.  I wrote last Thursday night asking for prayer.  I was having a hard week in every way.  I know a big part of it was that my monthly cycle started last week for the first time in a year...TMI (Too Much Information) I know, but it helps explain some things.   Physically, I do need help.  Not quite sure who to see about that since I haven't been to a doctor here in Ohio outside of the OB/GYN's.  I am drinking more water.  I am not taking my vitamins yet.  I'm not sure where they are, although I haven't really looked for them.  I am still losing a good bit of hair, but I'm reassured that between the baby and stress, that's somewhat normal.  My joints still feel stiff, but I'm forcing myself to move around. Lowell, Samuel and I have been playing disc golf (it's not technically called frisbee golf I've been told), every other night.  I plan to start walking/running in the mornings again.  We'll see, don't hold me to it.  :o)

For all the prayer I asked for, God answered.  I had a great day Friday, and have had great days since. I had woke up Friday morning feeling like I could conquer the world.  I was able to start my dishes and get most of them done outside of pots and pans.  I know I've counselled others to reach out to those around you when you're discouraged, upset, depressed, etc.  It helps get your focus off yourself and really lifts your spirit helping others.  It finally hit me that this would be excellent advice to give myself.  I know my friend Kim Hunsicker helped me so, so much with the yardsale, that I got the opportunity to go to her house Friday and help clean there.  It worked wonders!  I kept telling her to not tell Lowell that I cleaned her house with mine looking as it did.  Samuel pulled some weeds and trimmed a few bushes in the heat too.  But, it felt so good cleaning someone else's house that I was inspired to keep working on mine.  My mother-in-law came over after work to help me with my house around 4pm.  While I worked on the rest of the dishes and pots and pans, she did counters, cleaned out a cupboard that I'd sprayed Raid in because of those yucky teensy-tiny little sugar ants, put stuff away and then she and Samuel attacked the dining room table.  It got completely cleared and washed, although I'm still wondering where it all went... still looking for a couple of things... Samuel.  We trimmed dead leaves off planters from Cayla's funeral and watered them.  Amazing how quickly plants perk up when watered. ;o)  Lowell came home and we all talked a while.  Before she left she swept my kitchen floor too.  She's so good to me.  Lowell took us to Steak and Shake since the kitchen was now clean and he didn't want to mess it up.  :o)  If I knew that's all it took to get him to take me out... Oh well.  :o)

Saturday we had our church picnic up on Lake Erie at Saybrook Township Park.  So pretty with a nice strong breeze off the lake.  Such uplifting fellowship, friends, fun, and food.  Plus a good day at church.  Convicted to spend more time in my Bible to keep my heart trusting Him and not worrying and Sunday night, to pray, pray, and pray and don't underestimate the power of it.  Such a good reminder of what I forget to do.  God is good and I love Pastor Emery and my whole church family. 

My boss at Basic Ingredients, Cathy Lovas, invited me over to her house since she's closed on Monday's.  It was Mary's birthday, the other lady who works there, and we had lunch and played cards.  I learned how to play Minnesota Canasta (don't know what the difference is between it and regular Canasta) which was a lot of fun. Came home and dishes were still getting done!  We went to play disc golf, but it ended up with the boys playing while I sat on a long swing with Tina Siesel enjoying Lake Erie.  So peaceful and relaxing, and great company.

It's now Tuesday night and it's 12 minutes after 1am... I think I need to go to bed.  Today was a great day.  I mixed up my gluten free flour mixture and made some cinnamon raisin bread for our little excursion this weekend to Philadelphia with the teens and young adults at church.  Looking forward to it, but just wish Lowell could come.  I washed the dishes as I dirtied them.  Yay!  I did 4 loads of laundry.  Yay!   I didn't have to work this afternoon since the truck didn't come until closing time. Right now, my kitchen is clean, every dish and everywhere else is picked up.  This feels so good.  God has given me strength I didn't know I had. 

All through my pregnancy and up until now, I've heard stories of miscarriages and heartache and they all hit a chord in my heart.  It made me realize how much I have to be thankful for. This was my facebook post this morning...
I am so grateful that I got my little girl for 2 months.
Many babies with multiple problems like she had, don't make it out of the womb.
God allowed me to not miscarry Cayla,
but to have a chance to see her, love her, hold her and kiss her!!!
Definitely something to be grateful for this morning! :D
 I've said this before.  Perspective can change it all.  When I look at this way, it's such a happy thought.  I've enjoyed studying God's Word with Samuel.  I love seeing him grow up and mature in so many ways.  I'm blessed.  There's just no 2 ways about it. God has blessed us!  We miss Cayla, but God is working in our lives because of this.

Still trying to figure out how to get the video of her service to work.  I know I keep saying this, but hopefully soon, it will be posted!  :o)

Goodnight all!  God bless your day tomorrow!     

Thursday, August 2, 2012


Just sitting here tonight typing out the words spoken at Cayla's homegoing service, trying to get it ready to post.  I've been putting it off and not wanting to do it.  It's actually been helping me though tonight somewhat.  I've been weepy these last couple of days and am concerned with myself in a way.  I don't know what to say.   I guess I'm going through a gradual realization that I'm depressed.  Many have told me so, but I'm just grieving in my own way I thought.  I know there's depression weaved into my life right now.  I don't wash any dishes after dinner and don't care until we run out and then I wash just enough to function a few more days.  Of course that's not a tell-tale sign, I did that before Cayla... ;o)  I've just got to the point now that my counters are never clear. I need to clean my bathroom, but I don't.  I need to get spiderwebs out of the corners and do my floors, but I don't.  I guess the problem is that I don't care.  Apathy.   At least before when I didn't get my house cleaned, it bothered me.  It doesn't right now. 

Physically, I'm gaining back the weight I lost from having Cayla. Not good.  Makes me feel awful, but not awful enough to stop eating. I'm not being super careful with my Celiac Disease. I'm not eating bread or anything obvious like that, but it's the little things like not caring to look into what mayo, soy sauce, etc. was used in something I'm eating.  Before, I wouldn't eat it if I didn't know.  If it's not something major, I don't seem to care.  I'm finally starting to feel some effects from this... not good.  I'm not drinking water.  I was drinking a big mug of 24 ounces of water every hour or so.  I've gone days without a drop.  I'm not drinking soda or anything else either.  I'm just not drinking.  Just milk with my cereal. I have an almost full bottle of prenatal vitamins I was still taking to use them up and help me out, but haven't been taking them or anything else.  My hair is falling out quite a bit.  I am cleaning my brush every morning.  All of this is leading to me being tired with achy joints.  I feel like I've gained 10-20 years in the last 6 weeks.  I was feeling so, so, so good when I was home with Cayla keeping me on my toes.  I had a great reason to stay healthy.

I don't know.  I'm reading the Bible and God is speaking to me and I am so encouraged, but I'm obviously not listening too closely to Him right now.  When I'm out or around people, I can try and be the same old Linda, but deep down I know this isn't the same Linda.  I don't want to be where I'm at because I don't think God gets much glory from it.  Actually, I know God doesn't get glory from me when I'm like this.  When I cry, it's not a despondant cry, just missing my little girl in my arms kind of cry. 

I was telling the ladies at work that I haven't thought myself depressed because I seem to be somewhat fine most of the time.  But when I started listing and thinking about all the physical things I'm doing or not doing, how can I say I'm not.  So, I guess I am depressed in some way.  I could go talk it out with a professional counselor, but why do I need to when I'm talking it out and putting myself out there to the blog and the unknown audience. :o)  I don't know.  I do though know I need prayer.  I'm super tired, going to bed, hoping tomorrow will be a good day.  Today was good overall.  It all depends on what you're looking for. 

Appreciate the prayers.  I think I should be over this, and I'm not.  I shouldn't say that because I know it's not been long and it's ok to not be over this and I know I'll never be over this.  But I said it anyways.  :o)  Gotta go to bed.  Hopefully her service will be ready to be posted soon.  :o) 

Good night all.