Friday, June 29, 2012

Hugs and Kisses for Cayla Joy

Lowell came home yesterday saying that he'd talked to his cousin Jodi.  She had Cayla's death certificate and it said that the cause of death was heart failure or something like that.  We haven't seen it yet.  She's mailing it to us.  We cried when he told me.  I don't know, I guess it's just hard to hear.  She really had so many things wrong that even though she might have looked like the picture of health, she obviously really wasn't underneath it all.  We knew that.  She even had an issue with her tailbone I forgot to mention from her last doctor's visit that would have to be looked at.  I know she would have had many painful days and long hospital stays in her future, but we were ready to tackle it all with God's strength.  I am so happy for her now that I know that our precious Cayla Joy will never have to cry again.  Never have sorrow again.  Never have a tear run down her face.  She will never be in pain again.  She will never have to face death again.  God has personally seen to it that all this is in her past.  I know I've mentioned this verse in Revelation 21:4 before, but it helps me put her life in perspective. It helps me be ok with her death.  She's had a taste of a perfect life in heaven.  I think it was John Rettger at the funeral Tuesday who said that now that she's seen heaven and if given a choice between that and being back here, do you think she'd want to come back?  No one would.  She knew she was loved.  She looked deeply and stared into our eyes as we loved all over her.  She responded to us.  She was loved more than ever during her time here on earth.  But, up in heaven she's being loved perfectly by a holy and perfect God, who loves her more than everyone here put together, which is a lot of love and hard to imagine.  But it's true.  God has made her complete.  No more heart defects and there were quite a few that still needed to be corrected.  No more club foot.  No more fused ribs.  No more scoliosis.  No more bottom problems.  No more missing or messed up tail bone.  No more undefined nose bones... whatever that was about I never did find out.  She's perfect now!  That makes me smile.  It should make you smile too.  God is good all the time. 

You know, I've been following the clock all day today reliving last Friday.  I called Lowell a little after 3 to see if he was thinking about this time last week.  He wasn't, so I felt bad mentioning it.  It's just been a day.  I wanted to go play 18 holes of frisbee golf this morning before it got too hot, but I fell asleep for and hour and a half on the couch before I could get going.  I guess I still needed the sleep more than I realized.  We had lunch and left for Jefferson.  I got my hair cut by Elissa at Lake Effects (which she wouldn't let me pay for...such kindness...) while Samuel went down to the Laing's house to spend some time with Joseph.  I got to stop in and see my sister-in-law, Cathie at work and ran into Sandy from Jeff's Flowers and talked to her on the street there for a while.  I headed down to Tina Siesel's house and just enjoyed my walk in such beautiful sunshine, albeit very hot sunshine, but it still felt good.  I did at one point feel like I should be pushing the stroller with Cayla in it, but I didn't dwell on that.  Then I got to visit with Tina and Tammy Laing while eating fresh peaches, cherries and grapes from Tina and a milkshake from Tammy.  I'm really suffering here... ;o)  You know what I told them as I was talking?  All day I've just been overwhelmed with wanting to kiss my precious Cayla Joy all over her sweet little face.  I said I was going to write on my blog to ask everyone who can, to give their children (any age) hugs and kisses for me tonight since I can't kiss Cayla.  Hug them, hold them tight while you can, give an extra hug and lots of kisses to them, and treasure every day you have with them.  Be thanking God for what He's given you even when you're at your wit's end with what to do with them.  Hug and kiss them while you still can.  Make sure they go to bed tonight really knowing they are loved.  Tell them you love them.  Do it for me.  Watch out Samuel, you're getting Cayla's dose of love too tonight.  :o) 

Well, this is all for tonight.  It's somewhat draining emotionally to write in the blog even though it makes me feel so much better putting my thoughts into writing.  God's been helping us all through this one day at a time.  There's so much more I want to write, but another day. Thank you for your prayers, and I truly mean that.


  1. When my husband died after a 6 year illness at the age of 49 I kept a journal. I called it Letters to God. I was finding it hard to pray. I found it easy to write a letter to God. Maybe writing to God about your feelings at this time whether they be positive or negative or angry or anything would help you too. It did help me immensely. I kept the Journal for more than a year.


  2. We are listening. We care. We are praying. Keep writing, Linda. It helps us all heal.