Friday, March 2, 2012

Loose Ends

Well, it's Friday night, March 2nd.  I have not written in my blog for a week now.  I seem to have many loose ends to try to tie up before I have Cayla Joy.  I have not felt free to sit and write with so many things hanging over my head that need to be addressed now.  I just feel like I need to sit and talk all this "stuff" out.  I'm still behind in dishes, cleaning, and laundry, but that will always be there...  There are bigger things that have been weighing me down (besides Cayla).  :o)

I have been in charge of the Ashtabula County Prayer Walk up until now.  I have officially passed that on since I will not be able to do anything a month or so before it happens when all the final details need to be worked out.  Our county has a Concerts of Prayer Board that sets up a Prayer Breakfast the morning after the National Day of Prayer.  We have fairly well-known speakers with great testimonies for the Lord.  Years ago, they had also organized a prayer walk.  Ashtabula county is surrounded by 4 main roads and during the same hour or so on that Saturday morning after the National Day of Prayer, they used to surround the county in prayer.  Churches and groups would take a 2 mile or so stretch of road and walk, pray, sing and worship our Lord as they went.  So, at the same time, our county was literally being completely surrounded by prayer.  I still get goose bumps thinking about it.  It has not happened for many years, but I've found out that if you get excited about something, you get to be in charge of it... So for the last months, I've been working to make this happen again.  It's a bit more of a daunting task than I imagined, but I so want to see this happen.  This area is struggling with the economy and in many other ways.  We need this event to happen.  I feel like I've let the ball drop somewhat over the last couple of months, but 2 other board members have offered to take the reigns and let me back off.  I can't explain the weight that has been lifted, but I still want to help any way I can for now.  Passing this off has been a bit a of a struggle since I have to organize what I've got done so far and where we're at.  I've realized that I'm not an event planner... duh, I'm a micro-organizer (can't stand when my silverware isn't stacked in neat piles...) not a macro-organizer (dirty dishes stacked on the counter though, don't always bother me)... Confessions 101.  Ok, moving on.  I'm still feeling like there's much to do that I need to have my hands in.  I know, I need to back off.  They will be fine without me... I just so want to be a part of this event, but God has other plans for me right now.  I will be praying for them as they pray, and my heart will be with them that day as the event unfolds.  Ok, got that off my chest...

I am also in charge of the music at church.  I know that Dave, our song leader, and others are very busy people working 2 jobs and helping out with so much else.  I feel the need to plan (as much as possible) the music schedule for April-June.  Even if I can have a plan for them that can easily change if the Lord directs, it's still nice to have something already there and planned when life gets busy.  This means lining up special music for each Sunday morning and evening and organizing the songs and hymns to be sung each service including Wed. night prayer meeting. I'm thankful for all the willing people who are stepping up and doing more.  I'm working with Debbie to take my place at the piano, knowing that she's under a lot of stress these next months or so, but still wants to be used by God, not wanting Satan to get the victory in her life. Pray for her if you think about it. Thanks. I'm also lining up offertories for the next 3-4 months too.  I felt like I need to get this going now, so everyone involved will be on board and helping out this next month or so before Cayla gets here to make it a smooth transition.  I'm trying, the Lord knows, to get organized... I love it, but it's so overwhelming for me since I really do like to micro-organize and tend to be a bit of a perfectionist... if something has my "name" on it.  I spend way to much time on unimportant things... but God's used that quality in my life for good, it's just slowing me down right now.  I do thank Dave, Debbie, Erin, and John for stepping up and filling in with the piano and song-leading though. 

I've also finally let go of my Sunday school class, thanks to Dotty.  :o)  That has relieved my stress level on Sunday mornings quite a bit with trying to check my blood sugar levels and getting a snack in between Sunday school and church.  Plus, I get to sit in with Lowell's class with the teens now.  I like that. :o)

To help us financially any way possible right now, I'm feeling the need to put leftover "stuff" from the store online and try to sell it.  A friend told me I'm nesting.  I just want too many things cleared out of my life before Cayla arrives... maybe that is nesting.  Actually, this is so overwhelming for me, that I pretend the stuff in that room doesn't exist... I haven't really even tackled it yet.  Keep feeling guilty about that and somehow need to work on clearing that room out and being completely done with the store and it's remainders that are cluttering up my front porch and small bedroom...  It's that whole, large-scale organization thing again... it keeps haunting me everywhere I turn.  Maybe God's trying to tell me an area of my life I need to work on...... naaaa, couldn't be.  Ok, so I'm in denial, but I'm good with that for now.  :o)

My mother-in-law came over and we washed all the clothes we've been given for Cayla and have them all organized by size in huge bins... that was a fun job of organizing.  Why can't organizing be that fun all the time?  Speaking of things being given to us... I don't know if I've mentioned this in an earlier blog, but we have been given or offered: a crib, a bassinet, an electric swing, a baby bath, a Pac-N-Play, a rocker, a high chair, a car seat, a Bumbo (sp?) seat, a matching set (from 2 different people) of a mobile and a floor mat/jungle gym, clothes by the bag-fulls, and toys.  We are so blessed by family and friends!  Thanks to all who've provided these things!  I think the only "big" item we don't have is a stroller.  I've been told to get the one with the car seat that fits on top... we'll see.  I'm so thankful for God's provision.  Plus, Lowell found 2 trash bags and a couple of boxes of my Grandma Brooks' handiwork in blankets, sweaters, smocked dresses, hats, booties, gloves, and receiving blankets she sewed up too.  This is after I thought I gave it all away to the Birth Care center.  I don't know where all this was, because we literally already gave them trash bags full and boxes of her knitted and crocheted things too for the mothers who decide to keep their babies and not abort.  It was so fun giving it "all" away thinking I'd never need it again.  During Christmas and getting decorations out, Lowell found more boxes and bags that I felt just appeared.  Amazing how God multiplies things when you're not looking.  :o) 

Well, well, well, this is turning out to be quite the post.  It's more for me right now.  I just need to write where I'm at and what's making me tick or not tick.  I feel better writing it out and now feeling like maybe I have accomplished something this week after all.

There's not too much going on with Cayla and the doctors this week.  I did have an MRI yesterday, but that will have to be another post.  Next week is when we have some important doctor visits and such.  Thanks again for the prayers and support!  God is good even when I cried myself to sleep last night thinking about my "trip to Holland" with Cayla (from my former post).  I don't understand God's ways, and I can trust Him 100%, but I'm still made with all these emotions and even more so right now.  I so much just long to hold and kiss and love on this precious little girl that it overwhelms me sometimes.  Trusting God for our precious Cayla Joy and for a good night sleep tonight. :o)

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