I'm Here and All Is Well

I know it's been a while... I thought maybe to post this on facebook but changed my mind and decided to add it to the blog.   I have to add a favorite picture of Cayla too... :)

It's 2:30pm and I'm supposed to be sleeping for work tonight, but I can't.  I thought I'd wash up some dishes and was listening to the same CD I mentioned earlier in the blog in July 2013. In that blog post, I was talking about the song "God's Been Good".  I haven't been able to sing it because of the line that says, "...And though I've had my share of hard times, I wouldn't change them if I could."  I thought I was getting to a place where I could sing that, trusting God for everything, the good and bad.  Apparently I'm not there yet.  Sigh... Deep breath.  Pouring my heart out to God and lots of tears are very cleansing.  I couldn't stop though which is odd.  I haven't had that happen in quite some time. 

Then my thoughts took a turn as I continued to cry. I started feeling like all this with Cayla was some kind of punishment for sin in my life (a thought directly from Satan) and started going through my life confessing sin and crying.  That feeling of how much I've disappointed God and why I even should keep trying at such a hopeless cause was overwhelming me. Why does God put up with me?  I'm such a mess in so many ways.  All I could think was that God is probably pretty fed up with me.

Once again, the CD kept playing and the other song I love on this cd was playing, "Even in the Valley".  It was at the 2nd verse and I started listening to words that jumped out and spoke to my heart.                                

          The road of life has led you to a valley of defeat.
              You wonder if the Father has heard your desperate plea,
          But there is hope in the rugged place where tears of sorrow dwell.
              Can't you hear him gently whispering,
                                ''I'm here, and all is well.''
                     
              Even in the valley God is good.
              Even in the valley He is faithful and true.
              He carries His children through like He said He would,
              Even in the valley God is good.

So then the tears came all over again, but good tears.  "...for His mercy endureth forever." came to mind from every verse in Psalm 136.  He does forgive.  He does cleanse.  He does love unconditionally.  He does care about my struggles.  He does know my heart more than I do.  He does love ME.   After being saved for over 40 years, that thought still overwhelms me.  I COULD hear Him gently whispering, "I'm here, and all is well."  I felt His arm around me, and His love pour over me.  Can't explain any more than that.  It's just an incredible feeling. 

Thank you Father for Your unwavering, incomprehensible love to me a sinner who loves You and believes You and Your Word completely.