3 days...

Haven't been able to write much.  I'm feeling like there's always something I need to be doing that hasn't been done yet.  I can't sit and write in the blog when I'm feeling like something else needs to be done... But since it's about 5:45am this rainy, wet, Saturday morning and all I can do right now is eat popsicles, I guess I can take a few minutes to write. 

I have so much to be thankful for as I sit here having just read through everyone's updates on facebook and see so many people going through some very tough times.  I am so thankful for my little family, soon to expand.  Lowell has been so loving and protective of me that it makes me want to cry.  Samuel has been too and been so willing to help in every way.  Lowell did the dishes, Samuel vacuumed, pampered me, picked things up for me I could easily have got myself.  Many times, it's the little things that make a big difference.  I praise the Lord for my wonderful family. 

We are gearing up for an exciting week ahead.  I have to say, this week has dragged and gone by so slowly.  There've been so many friends willing to come over and help me with doing things, but I've been telling them, I'm fine.  Up until recently.  The last 2 people who asked, I took them up on their offer.  Kim came last week, and Beth Stillwell and her daughter Kathy came this week.  I think they must have been as shocked as I was that I said yes to their offer of help.  Beth did my dishes on Monday and came back Tuesday with Kathy and they swept and mopped my kitchen and bathroom floors, and dusted and vacuumed the dining room and living room, while I was babysitting Elise.  Thanks for friends that take charge and made me lay down with my feet up with Elise while she napped.  I heard Beth doing dishes while I heard myself snoring on the couch.  Such a weird feeling.  I love the family of God.  Why anyone would fight through life on their own without the support of godly friends to walk along with them, is beyond me.  I don't think I'd have survived many things in my life without the support and prayers of my church family over the years.  I love going to church every time the doors are open to be refreshed, loved, built-up and encouraged by the family of God.  Sunday mornings are busy and I don't always get to fellowship much, but watch out on Sunday nights, Wed. nights, Seedline, and any other activities during the week.  That's when bonds of friendships are built and made so strong!  For those who just go to church on Sunday mornings, I just have to say, you don't know what you're missing... at least at my church.  I guess I say all this just because I am so grateful for the love and support from my church family.  There's nothing quite like it, and they've played such a huge part in this whole pregnancy with their love and care of me and my family.  Love you all!

This was our last week obviously to babysit Elise.  I have to say yesterday was sweet.  She's teething something fierce and was all out of sorts, but when she fell asleep in my arms on the couch, she was so sweet just laying there.  Then she rolled over across my belly on top of little miss Cayla Joy.  It was cute.  Samuel took a couple of pictures for me, with me snoring in between.  I guess I could've smiled more, but anyways... we were both exhausted.  :o)  So sweet!  Going to miss her, but am looking forward to bringing my own little one home soon! 



Well, I had my last OB appointment on Thursday with Dr. Rajabi.  Glad he's back safe and sound in town.  The others were nice, but he has a calming confidence about him, that makes me glad he's my doctor.  My mother-in-law came over early on Thursday and we went to Target in Mentor on the way to the appt.  I didn't have a diaper bag yet and I wanted a simple monitor so I won't have to hover over her while she sleeps.  I have a feeling I'm going to be a little eccentric with her and her breathing.  Since she only has one side of her heart, the oxygenated and unoxygenated blood will all mix and lower her oxygen level in her blood overall.  She won't have blue and red blood, she'll get purple blood.  Much prettier.  ;o)   Doctor Lorber said that it will just make her a little paler looking overall until they do the 2nd surgery between 3-6 months to help separate the two.  So, back to shopping... I love the diaper bag we found.  I love flowers, but this is something the boys will have to carry around too.  So I was good. Found this beautiful black bag with bright green highlights and insides.  I think it's beautiful and am so pleased with it!  We took a little longer there than we should have and  were a little late by the time we got to the doctor's office. 

They did another non stress test which Cayla "technically" didn't quite pass since they needed one more big movement from her, but it was no use to keep trying.  I drank some cold water and she got the hiccups!  It was kind of funny watching a spot on my belly jump every couple of seconds.  Dr. Rajabi passed her anyways and said she did fine.  She earned all her points on the ultrasound test again.  Her head is still down in position and facing back, so still no pictures of her face could be taken.  She did give us a picture of all the fuzz and hair on her head, but I haven't scanned it. Oh well. 

Dr. Rajabi came in and we went over my blood sugar levels again and set up a plan for Monday night.  He said he would still operate with higher blood sugar, just not with low.  So, that took some pressure off.  That just means I can pig-out on pop corn and yogurt the night before... Woo hoo.  :o)  He also reminded me that this is a teaching hospital and he will be given a resident to assist during the operation.  Depending on whether they're a 1st, 2nd or 3rd year, will determine how much they do, but he will be right there watching them.  I said that's fine, I trust him.  When Samuel was born in Fairfax hospital, there were 9 people I believe around the table. Two doctors, two nurses and the rest residents and students.  Oh well.  He also said that Dr. --- his name translated into English means 'eagle', but couldn't tell you what it was... is the head doctor over the P-ICU, will be there at the birth to be the one that takes control of Cayla's journey after birth.  He will be in charge of who gets to see her first and run their tests and so on.  Dr. Lorber's dept. will get her first to do the ecocardiogram directly on her heart.  And then after that, who knows.  Within the first 24 hours, all 12 doctors in the congenital heart dept. will have looked at and analyzed and discussed their thoughts on Cayla's heart and what needs to be done.  Dr. Lorber will take everyone's input and go to Dr. Stewart with their consensus on what needs to be done to her heart.  And then they'll go from there.  Have no idea how it will all come out in the wash, but there is still a chance that the aorta is not functional and she will need the first Norwood surgery.  We are trying to prepare for everything.  He also asked if we had insurance and was glad to hear we did.  I told him our bill from Cleveland Clinic for Feb and March was $12,000.  He said, oh, it could easily get to half a million before we're done.  He said we're going to give you the best care whether you can pay or not.  It will be covered and assistance will be given if needed. Wow. So, overall, had a good talk with Dr. Rajabi and can't wait for Tuesday morning to get here.

I need to go run errands this morning with Lowell while Samuel and Gary sleep in... I will close for now, but will update the blog as much as possible as we go through these next couple of weeks.  Thanks so very much for all the prayers for us and for our precious Cayla Joy.  Love these tested and true verses!

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;

and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

Proverbs 3:5,6

A little overwhelmed.

I sat down to write in my blog and just started crying. We are so, so blessed!  God has been so good to us!  I don't even know how much I can go into right now, but I want to.  My feet are swollen and am needing to put them up, but here I sit. 

Today has been one amazing day.  It started with a nice quiet morning eating my last 2 pieces of toast with some eggs.  Church was so good.  Larina's song, "Be Still and Know that I am God" was so beautiful I could hardly play at times.  Then Pastor's sermon on personal revival spoke volumes to me.  I love my church!  I was then invited to my friend Tina's house for a little "bath" instead of a shower.  It was a time of spiritual refreshment where each of the 7 either read Scripture, sang, and just uplifted me and my family to the Lord.  It was great to laugh, sing and pick on Dottie since I can't do that at the store anymore.  :o)  Tina even made sugar-free jello with cool whip that looked like a watermelon even though it was black cherry jello... delicious and some deviled eggs.  She tried to make things that I could eat!  Some people are so thoughtful.  What a sweet time of fellowship.  Thank you Tina! :o)

Our church was having a sandwich and dessert fellowship after church tonight.  When I came home from Tina's, Lowell had already made up the sandwiches and displayed them beautifully on a platter with some tortilla chips in the middle!  He's been so helpful!  I love that man! :o)  I started freshening up for church and was trying to think who was on the schedule to do special music tonight when I realized it was me... You know, I'm blaming all this on the pregnancy.  I grabbed a couple of books of music and headed down to the church.  I kept changing my mind.  I tried to sing, but just don't have the air I need, especially when sitting down at the piano accompanying myself.  I was changing my mind before and during church and couldn't decide what I should do.  During prayer, I put the mic away and decided to play an arrangement of "It is Well With My Soul".  It IS well  with my soul and the song just hit a chord within me and was glad I chose to play that.  God gives you what you need, when you need it.  Then Pastor talked about the Titanic and how a warning had been sent from another ship almost 2 hours earlier, about ice ahead and the warning wasn't heeded because it wasn't coded right.  He said that man who received the message, but didn't pass it on could have prevented many deaths.  We have been given a message from God that's even more important, but we aren't passing it on to warn people of what's ahead in eternity.  I have to say, I was convicted that I need to be seeking people out to tell about Jesus Christ and what He's done and pass on the warning of a very real place called Hell.  Even if I could try to talk to one person a week.  I don't know, but God's still working on me.

Well, Pastor dismissed church and told everyone to head back for a fellowship time.  I had to take my insulin first, so I stayed behind in the sanctuary and got that done.  By the time Lowell and I got back there, everyone was waiting for us and they gave us a very, very special surprise.  Pastor caught us all off guard and asked us to come up with him and presented us with a "money tree"!  They moved the chalkboard and there it was!  Tobias had even origamied some bills with a quarter in them in the shape of a heart with a cross where the quarter came through. Amazing!  I was just stunned. Didn't see this coming and one of the amazing things is that I know this group of people and how well secrets can be kept... they all kept this for 2 months!  I am still shocked!  :o)  I have just never seen anything like this.  I just feel so loved by my church family.  It's not a huge church, but they just gave $1,000 for one of our college girls to go on a missions trip this summer, and they just gave a large sum to our annual 30 Pieces of Silver Offering too.  And then on top of all that, they gave us a lot of money on this tree!!!  Everyone was wanting a seed from the tree to take home... :o)  What an amazing gift!  God is so faithful and getting us through!  Wow! 

I am truly overwhelmed!  I just have to praise God for the people He has put in our lives at this time in our lives!  I can't say enough.  Thank you doesn't even start, but they all know we love them, and we know they all love us!  Thank God for His children! 

It's late now and I need to close up for now.  Thank you to everyone who has been an amazing part of this day and thank you to a great and mighty God!  :o)

Ten Days!

Well, I started a post last Thursday night, but much has changed since then, so I'll just start over.  It's now Saturday evening, April 14th.  Lowell took this picture last Wednesday night of the crib in our room.  We get to borrow it for as long as we need to.  :o)  It's beautiful and in great shape!  Thanks Ann!

 

Last fall we moved upstairs to the long room before I knew I was pregnant, but it has plenty of space for us and Cayla.  Haven't done any decorating up there.  We were given  some flowers that hang on the wall and this beautiful white crib.  I didn't have any bedding, bumper pads or anything more than sheets for the crib, but wasn't too worried.  For some reason, I'm not feeling like I'm in any hurry... I have a little over a week.  I don't know what's up with me, but oh well.  I stopped in to see a friend yesterday and she gave us a beautiful bedding set that had the exact same flowers in it that are for the wall!  So, last night I washed it all, and Lowell and I put it all on the crib and it's so cute!  He even put the flowers up on the wall.  This is so amazing how God works.  There's a baby shop in Jefferson I believe is called "Another Time Around."  She said this was the only bedding set they had and it's not like she had a bunch to choose from.  But that it matched perfectly is so neat and it was brand new considering it's a used baby store.  If you haven't been in there yet, you should!  Such inexpensive baby things... especially clothes. So anyways, it's just great to see how God so perfectly meets our needs.  Here's a picture of the crib now and a picture of me and my hubby.  And yes, I finally got my hair cut Friday afternoon!  Feels so much better!   :o)  Amazing what a simple thing like a hair cut can do for morale...

Lowell called me from work yesterday to say they had baby shower for Cayla at his work.  Wasn't that just sweet?  He said they had a really cute cake with her name and a duck on top.  They sent home the whole top cake with the duck, very cute.  I didn't get a picture before they started eating it today.  But his boss took pictures of it all and said she'd email them to us.  Don't have them yet, but will have to post some when she sends them.  They gave us a Wal Mart gift card and this so soft and cuddly, purple baby blanket with Cayla's name on it.  Lowell's standing behind it on the end of the crib.  Here's another picture of it below.  You can kind of see the back of it through the crib.  It's black with purple and pink flowers all over it.  Very special blanket, and I am so glad God has given Lowell a work place that is so good!  He really enjoys the people he works for and works with.  They even got a bag and gift for big brother Samuel.  :o)  They gave him a family pack of 4 free movie tickets.  He's been waiting patiently to see "The Avengers".  I'm not even sure that's the title, and I have no idea when it's coming out, but I think it's got all the Marvel comic book characters in it like Captain America, Thor, Hulk and others that he has really wanted to see.  I have absolutely no interest in it, so he's already decided he wants to go with Lowell and 2 friends, Joseph and Gary.   Let's just say that made his day!  Thank you to all his office co-workers for the special gifts.  We already bought a few diapers from it last night to have when we bring Cayla home.  Wow, was that weird buying diapers last night...

This is a picture from last Sunday on Easter.  Samuel's sporting his new purple shirt, tie and pants.  He's looking so grown up these days.  Although at 16, he's still not quite as tall as Lowell's 6'3", but pretty close.  Love my boys and looking forward to having Cayla to balance the boy/girl ratio out in the house.  :o)

I guess while I'm posting pictures, I might as well post a pregnant picture I didn't put up from when I had 4 weeks to go.

Ok, moving on. I had a doctor visit last Thursday with Dr. Kayland I think her name was.  The ultrasound tech did her test on Cayla and she got all 8 points fairly fast.  She measured her and Cayla is now 6 lbs. 15 oz.!  :o)  She's right on target.  We had to do another non-stress test and she did fine.  She told me to lay very low this week.  Cayla seems to be in position and could decide to come early if I'm not careful.  I see Dr. Rajabi again next Thursday for my last appointment.   

Dr. Mayock I think his name is, that gave me the physical last week at Cleveland Clinic, called me this week asking me to get some blood work done Thursday while at Hillcrest.  So I did.  He said he wanted to check my potassium and kidney functions and other things.  Well, he called me this morning on a Saturday to tell me that all my levels of everything he checked were "outstanding".  Ok, but then he said he had to list my kidney function as abnormal because it was so high above normal.  I don't understand that, and he didn't really explain it, other than to say it's great and I'm super healthy.  I guess I'm just going to have to let it go and not try to figure it out... Nice to know I'm healthy.  All this they're doing is apparently because my pregnancy is "high-risk".  Just so blessed to have great insurance.  We got a bill from Cleveland Clinic this week too.  I have only been to them since February.  This bill was not including previous appointments with my regular, local OB, just since I started seeing Dr. Rajabi, it was for just under $12,000 already!!!  I haven't even had the C-section yet, nor Cayla have any of her operations that might be forthcoming...  I can forsee this bill increasing tremendously before the end of this year.  Our insurance covers 80% and we pay 20% up untill our family deductible is met at $2,500, then they cover 100%.  They said our part due was around $900.  This is all so, so surreal what it's costing and how much insurance is paying.  I looked at what things were costing and they listed one of the ultrasounds done at one of my visits with 3-D and who knows what, at $975!  Ok, moving on... but God is providing is all I can say!  He is taking care of us in miraculous ways! 

Wow, it's already 10pm and I'm exhausted.  Oh, I was going to say it was great having a friend come over last Wednesday who helped me clear my dining room table, mopped my bathroom floor and drove me around town to do my errands.  Thanks Kim!  You blessed me greatly!  And Samuel and I love hearing your stories that kept us laughing!  :o)

I have given up on making announcements... I was doing 2-step stamping with ink pads that eventually do need to be reinked, but I can only find the refills for 1 out of the 4 colors I'm using.  It was taking too long and we have come up with plan B.  Gotta love plan B's.  :o)  I might use the ones I've done as thank you's or something.  We'll see.  

I know there was more I was going to say, but can't quite remember sitting here feeling sleepy.  We're down to 10 days!  Amazing.  I love being pregnant and feeling her move around in there.  It's so, so amazing to think there's a baby in there.  I know, I'm tired and pregnant, so this is what comes out when I write.  As much as I love being pregnant, I can't wait to have her in my arms and love on her!  It's not long now. :o)

I really would like to ask you to continue to pray for Cayla and what all she'll have to face after birth.  Have no idea what it will be, but God does.  Keep praying also for my sugar levels that morning of delivery to be right, and that our precious Cayla Joy will be patient and wait until Tuesday the 24th.  :o)  We appreciate the love, support, prayers, money, and so much more that we have been blessed with by so many of you!  Thank you all who've been following us so far for all of this!  For all you reading this, here's a prayer from us for you and a good one for us too!

"For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you,

 and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will

in all wisdom and spiritual understanding.

That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing,

being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; 

Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power,

unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;"

Colossians 1:9-11.

These past couple of days

Well, let's see. I have to start by saying... only 16 days!!!!!!!!!!  Wow!  That might as well be tomorrow... :o)  Ok, moving on.  Let's go back to last Thursday, April 5th.  It all started at 5:30am getting up and getting showered, getting Samuel up and out the door by 6:30am to go roofing, and then getting myself ready and out the door by 6:45am when my mother-in-law and niece came to pick me up.  Lowell was on his own that morning to get his breakfast, lunch and himself out the door.  Apparently he did fine. :o)  My 1st appointment at Cleveland Clinic was at 8:10 on 8th floor of the Crile Building.  Took us a while to get to the building because there were no left turns allowed for about 6 or 7 blocks.  I felt like I was back in D.C. where you can see the building you want to get to, but have no way of actually getting to it.  Like Lowell and the Kennedy Center... another story for another time... Anyways, that 1st "appointment" turned out to be answering what seemed to be 100 questions on a computer form... They apparently need my life history before I can have a C-Section.  Who'd-a thunk? 

Well, with that done, we then had to go back down to 1st floor to Internal Medicine.  I started with a nurse who took all my stats and checked all my medications, asked me more questions and sent me in to see the doctor.  I'm still not quite sure how this doctor fits into the scheme of things, but apparently he does.  He pretty much gave me a physical exam from head to toe.  He checked reflexes I didn't know I even had.  He had the same 100 questions again for me.  After he poked, prodded, listened, tapped, squeezed, glared, twisted and checked me, he went over my medications too. He was thinking my insulin was too high this past week and needed to be adjusted back down some.  He gave me some strict instructions on insulin for the morning of surgery.  He knew all about Cayla and acted like I'd been to him 100 times and were old buddies.  I'm just amazed at how many people it takes to have a special needs baby here.  :o)  I'm not complaining really, because I know it will only get worse.  Many hospitals are "teaching" hospitals and CC is one of those too, so I've already been warned about the volume of people that will be coming and going and being a part of Cayla's journey. It's all good if my baby girl survives and does well!   Well, this doctor, and I can't even remember his name, will be apparently around the morning of delivery to make sure I am ok and ready for surgery.  He was very nice and concerned about my sugar levels.  He did say that as I get closer to delivery, my insulin produced by the placenta which is causing the gestational diabetes, will slack off and I will need less insulin.  I do believe that is what is happening too. So that's good.  I was just getting nervous about this gestational diabetes turning into full-blown diabetes.  Not that it still couldn't, but we'll see.  I didn't realize the number of family members that have diabetes... it almost seems inevitable.

Ok, moving on.  I then was taken to another nurse so that Internal Medicine can get me into their system.  She took my insurance card, and checked me all in and set me all up with this whole department.  Nice Christian lady! I enjoyed chatting with her. 

Then my last appointment for the morning was with the anesthesiologist. I know it's not spelled right, but I'm tired and don't feel like looking it up.  :o)  I wasn't quite sure why I was having to talk to this department, but apparently they just want me know what all the options are, what I'm opposed to having done and what all the if's are.  The young doctor was very helpful, but then he had to get the more senor doctor to come see me too.  All she did was tell me about her daughter and tell me I'm in the best hands.  Interesting lady.  Pretty much said nothing.  Oh well, finishing up with her meant I was finished up with CC for the day.  Now with only 2 weeks to go, I can truly say, I'm done with visits to CC until delivery.  Did you catch that?  TWO weeks...  Woah Bessie, back that cart up.  I cannot believe it's that close.  Ahhhhhh!

Well, I'll move on, but am too tired to continue tonight.  I will have to finish this tomorrow.

Good morning!  We are getting the crib and some other things this morning!  Thanks Ann for bringing this over and letting us use it all!  We have been blessed!  Lowell is off today, so he'll be here to set up the crib and all.  Yay!  Elise is on her way over for babysitting this morning.  It's been a good morning so far!  I made a double batch of gluten free bread on Saturday morning, so I had a banana and brown sugar toasted sandwich this morning for breakfast!  Don't know when the last time was, but it's been a long while.  So, good, and it was even with the Splenda brown sugar.  :o)

Ok, back to last Thursday... We were told we'd be done around 11am, and I had my weekly OB appointment at 1pm at Hillcrest.  We were actually done at CC by 10:30 so we had some time to kill.  We drove through Little Italy in Cleveland.  Very quaint with lots of wrought iron and Ristorantes.  :o)  We stopped at McDonalds for lunch and spent as much time there as we possibly could.  We even had ice cream.  I know, I had a cup with just ice cream, no toppings, but it turned out to be a good thing because by the time we went to my appt., they took me right in for the ultrasound and Cayla was all wound up.  They did the same test on her that they did last week and she passed all of them in about 5 minutes and was racking up tons of extra-credit points!  :o)  Whereas last week she eeked her points in at the last minute.  So now I have an excuse to eat some icecream before my appointment! :o)  Isn't that what that means?  I think so.  :o) Anyways, Dr. Chappa came in and said everything is looking really good.  He looked over the insulin change recommendations from the doctor earlier that morning and agreed with him and lowered my insulin in the evening.  He's going on vacation this week, so this Thursday I see Dr. #3.  No problem, I would just prefer for little Miss Cayla to hold off until Dr. Rajabi's back from around the world.  I can't go anywhere, but he can... :o)  Oh well, not much else went on at that appt. and we were out of there early once again.  Very nice since we were all tired. 

Samuel came home tired and filthy with holes in his jeans, but very happy.  He loved working up there on the roof with Chris.  He just might be more interested in hands-on work than anything else.  It'll be interesting to see how his life unfolds in the next couple of years.  Lowell came home happy too since it was the beginning of his first 4 day weekend since working at Ken Forging.  :o) 

Friday was a really nice day.  Starting off with Elise coming for a couple of hours in the morning.  Oh, and Lowell realized that our tax return had been deposited that morning too!  Yay!  Then we took off and spent a good portion of the day in Erie, PA.  Had lunch at Golden Corral, then went to the mall still looking for a new pair of tennis shoes for Lowell and still didn't find what he wanted for the price he wanted. Samuel got a new purple shirt, tie and tan pants (long overdue and needed).  He looked really nice yesterday for Easter. Stopped at some other places outside of the mall and then headed home.  I have to say here that a friend blessed us with $ for a new mattress!  What an amazing thing!  We stopped in Griffiths in Ashtabula on the way home from Erie to check out what they had.  They had a double-sided, pillow-topped mattress that was so very, very comfortable to lie on.  It was about the same price that Sears had there's for, BUT these prices were marked at 50% off and then he gave us an additional $150 off!  So we couldn't refuse, and he said they would do free next-day delivery.  So thank the Lord and friends for wonderful gifts!  We slept so well that night and keep wanting to go lie down and lake naps on it!  God is so good. 

Saturday I slept in until 9am and only got up then because I needed to get something to eat or I'd have kept sleeping.  Felt wonderful.  I looked at Lowell and asked him if he realized how long it will be before we have a nice quiet Saturday morning sleeping in like this again?  It will probably be a while.  That's all good though.  At least I think I can say that.  I'll look back at these last pregnant days and wonder why I thought I was busy... I'm sure I'll be longing for these quiet days ahead. Our mattress was delivered.  :o)  After they moved all the beds around, with Samuel getting our old one, we went over to Lakeshore Park and played 18 holes of Frisbee golf.  Ok, I didn't play, I walked around and sat at times watching them from a distance and then walked over to somewhat keep up with them.  I really don't want to do anything that will cause little Miss Cayla to come early.  Nice being outside on a beautiful day.

Easter was a beautiful day too.  We had a great service in the morning and evening!  After church, we went over to the in-laws and spent the afternoon with Lowell's family.  Everyone was there.  Very nice and I had my camera and got pictures of everyone.  Love my family!  :o)

Lowell's off today, Monday and yes, we have a crib in our room now... weird, in a good way.  Enjoyed Elise.  Lowell and Samuel went out for a couple of hours while I fell asleep on the couch.  I woke up feeling drugged or something.  So there's the run-down of the last couple of not much happening days...  I really can't picture how drastically my life is about to change.  Maybe that's a good thing. :o)

I have been following the birth of Cael.  A little HPLHS baby born last week.  I don't know that I could even go through all that he's been through the first week of his life, but the first surgery, the Norwood, was a struggle for him and is for every little one that has to go through it.  They were just today able to close his chest back up after having to leave it open for monitoring as it is still adjusting to it's new anatomy and reconstruction.  He has struggled, but so far he's getting through one moment at a time.  I am still amazed that God might actually spare Cayla from this first surgery.  I know I've said this before, but it's overwhelming that He would do that!  We are ready for whatever may come, I guess I should say as ready as I think we can be.  We really have no idea what all Cayla will be facing.  She's in God's hands and He will get us through it all! 

Thanks for the prayers, love and support!  We look forward in 2 more weeks meeting our precious Cayla Joy.  :o)  Can't wait!

Happy Resurrection Day!

Hope everyone's been blessed this Easter Sunday!  I have certainty about where I'll spend eternity because Jesus is alive today and not buried in some tomb like all the other religious leaders.  I can be glad, no matter what.  I can be glad because my husband and son have that certainty too!  If you read this and don't have that 100% certainty about where you'll spend your eternity, you can change that now.  God loves the whole world.  He died on the cross for the whole world.  That's you and me and everyone in between.  I'll sum it up the way I tell my Sunday school class. 

There is no sin in heaven.  It's where God is.  We are born sinners... no one had to teach us to sin, it is part of our nature at birth.  The verse in Romans 3:23 says, "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;" So, if we have sin, and everyone does, there's no way we can go to heaven when we die. The Bible says there are only 2 options when we die, heaven or hell.  It's our choice. We can say we don't need God to get to heaven, and depend on our good works to get us there, but remember, we've sinned.  All it takes is one sin and heaven's out for us.  It has nothing to do with all our good, just the fact that we have sin in us and there's none in heaven.  Since the only options are heaven or hell, I know that anyone who puts some thought into it will of course choose the wonderful heaven over a place of constant death in hell, the lake of fire. 

Well, you ask, then how DO I go to heaven when I'm a sinner?  Great question.  Thanks for asking.  There's a verse in the Bible in I John 1:7 that says, "...the blood of Jesus Christ his son cleanseth us from all sin."  This is where Easter comes in.  This whole week of Easter has been about the blood of Jesus and His resurrection.  First, there is sin in each person which needs to be taken care of.  There has to be a penalty for sin... someone has to pay for it since it can't go unpunished.  Well, as we said, because of our sin, our punishment is eternal death, or eternal separation from God which means hell and no access to heaven.  But there's this great verse in Romans 6:23 that says, "For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.."  There's a way out through Jesus Christ!  We've just celebrated Easter which talks about Jesus dying on the cross.  He didn't just die like the rest of us. When he was on that cross, for 3 hours the earth went black as night.  God in heaven, Jesus' Father, had to turn His back on His only Son, because Jesus had done the unthinkable.  He stepped in and took our punishment of hell for us.  He, who had never sinned, took all of the world's sin, including yours and mine and pretty much went to hell for us.  He's the only one that could do it since He's the only one that's not guilty.  When the Bible says that the blood of Jesus can cleanse us from sin, it's that blood that He shed that day on the cross when He took our place and died that says, the debt for sin has been paid in full.  He was willing to go to hell in our place, to take our punishment for us, to step in when He didn't have to, all because He loves us that much and was WILLING to do this so the debt could be paid and we could go to heaven.  What a gift!  Romans 5:8 says, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." 

So, Jesus died, shed His blood, took our punishment, and that's it?  No, because the best part of the whole thing is that He rose again!  He's not dead in any tomb, He's alive and rose again 3 days after He died!  That's what Easter is really a celebration of!  His death is unlike ANY other in the world, because He's alive and living today! 

So, then how ARE we saved from an eternity in hell? Well, it says in Romans 10:9, "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."  Doesn't say anything about our good we've done, just about all that Jesus has done instead.  It's that shed blood that cleans away the sin when we truly believe what Jesus has done in dying for us and rising again!  Confess it with your mouth... Tell it to God... Tell Him you believe and trust that HIS work on the cross that's been done is what will take away your sins.  Don't forget to admit that you really do have sin, and that you want to get rid of it and are willing to repent of what you've done.  I love a few verses down in Romans 10:13 that says, "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."  We're not talking about being saved from drowning in a pool or saved from being in a car crash, we talking about being saved from an eternity in hell!!!  You know, one of the best loved verses says this, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."  There!  Did you see it?  Heaven not hell! 

So, you ask lastly, how can I be 100% sure of something that will happen after I die?  Well, there's a verse in I John 5 :13 that says, "These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life..."  It doesn't say, "hope" or "wish" you'll have eternal life.  It says "KNOW"!  I can sit here typing this with 100 % confidence that when I die, I WILL go to heaven and not because of me or anything I've done, but 100% because of Jesus Christ and what He's done on the cross and in the grave!  His blood has washed away every sin of mine, and some day when I die and stand before God, He will see the blood of Jesus, and not my sin, and I will be in heaven with Him for eternity.

If you don't have the 100% certainty that you'll go to heaven when you die, please take a minute and talk to God.  Tell Him you know you've sinned. You don't deserve to go to heaven.  That you believe that He died on the cross and shed His blood to pay for your sins. Tell Him you want to change and follow Him.  Tell Him what's on your heart!  Ask Him to save you now.  He will.  Immediately.  He will fill you with His Holy Spirit and will never leave you or forsake you.  He promised.  He wouldn't be God if He broke a promise.  Pray and cry out to God with a believing and trusting heart that His blood CAN cleanse you from all your sin!  It's all about your true desire to believe and follow Jesus Christ.  If you talk to God about all this from your heart, guess what?  You will KNOW that you WILL go to heaven when you die.  No questions, no doubts!  It's that wonderful.  You become God's child and nothing can change that!   If you've made this decision, would you write me and let me know so I can rejoice with you and pray for you and help you in any way?  My email is lindasowry@gmail.com.  

I planned to write about what's been going on these last couple of days, but this is what came out.  I guess I'll start another blog for that and this is what God wanted me to write for tonight. :o)  I love celebrating Easter because of everything I've written here tonight.  I hope you now have that peace of God and love for Him and thankfulness for all He's done for you too!  Here's a great verse for what's happened in your heart!  God bless you all!  Happy Resurrection Day!!!

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:

old thngs are passed away; behold, all things are become new."
2 Corinthians 5:17

Three weeks to go!!!

Well, 3 weeks from now, we'll be on our way to Cleveland Clinic!  Hard to believe... that sounds way too close!  Here I go again, trying to grasp the reality of this... it's just not happening.  I'm sitting here at 5am typing because I couldn't sleep.  I came downstairs around 4:15am and was feeling shaky so I checked my blood sugar.  It was 58.  I had a yogurt and then saw the sugar-free popsicles in the freezer and just had 2 of those, although I'm now sitting here freezing with a jacket and a coat on trying to warm up but still wanting another popsicle... It says it's 32 outside right now and we turn our heat down at night to 62, so it's not warming up very fast in here even since I turned the heat up.  Brrr.

So, I'm still kind of stuck on the "only 3 weeks left" phrase.  I don't think I'll be able to make enough announcements and get all the addresses I need in time, so I might have to just send out what I can and buy some others.  We'll see. Seems like so little time.

Dr. Rajabi said the other week that delivering Cayla Joy will be his first time delivering a baby in the brand new Special Delivery Unit (SDU) at Cleveland Clinic.  He couldn't quite remember where the new SDU was, so I was joking with him giving him directions and floor numbers and such.  He said he'd call my cell if he got lost that morning.  :o)   He'd been on a tour with a bunch of other doctors seeing all the changes and such, but between catching up and talking with all the other doctors, he couldn't quite remember where the SDU actually was.  I believe he's going to go check it all out again before the surgery, but his comments were kind of funny at the time.  He's off these next 2 weeks to Dubai for business he said.  So my next 2 appointments will be with his OB partner and then I'll see him that final week before delivery. 

I would like to ask for prayer that I don't go into labor prematurely.  The longer Cayla can stay in the womb and grow, obviously the better.  That's true for any baby, but especially helpful for Cayla right now.  I also would love prayer for my sugar levels too.  If I have issues that morning, it will postpone everything.  He's already changed up my insulin timing and all the night before, but still I'm just wanting it to be right that morning if possible.  We check in at 6am and surgery is at 8am. 

I don't think I'll get any pictures of Cayla taken today like I wanted to, maybe tomorrow.  Main problem is, I have to be in the picture too... I know I'm going to crash today, but we'll see how long I can make it.  We get Elise this morning.  Yay!  She's so funny and at such a cute age.  She was picking on Samuel yesterday, making us laugh so hard!  Of course the more we laughed, the more she did!  Too fun.  Samuel looked at me again yesterday with Elise in my lap and shook his head saying that it won't be long until we have Cayla here to hold like that!  We are all very excited.  I was going to say that I think Lowell's looking forward to me not getting up 3-4 times or more each night, but what am I thinking... this is just the beginning of sleepless nights.  Oh my, what a thought.  Just made me put my head in my hands and feel a little overwhelmed.  Does God really think we can handle a baby right now?  I guess so, but it's going to be drastically different around here.  Can't quite imagine it.

You know, I wondered what "ministry" God has for us now with the store closed and all, I went through this in another post, but it's so obvious right now that our little family is our ministry right now.  Cayla during her 1st year of physical struggles and Samuel during his last year of high school is exactly the ministry God has for me and Lowell right now.  Others will come in our path through all of this that will encourage us and that we can encourage too, but I feel like this is a season of family right now.  It will change as they grow and Samuel makes decisions on his future, but I'm excited to just take the wonderful ministry God is giving to me and Lowell right here in our family.  These seasons come and go so quickly, I want to enjoy every moment God gives us while my family is my focus.  I like the sound of that.  I have felt for years that there are so many things I need to be doing, that I've missed out on what God was showing me He wanted me to do.  God puts a great importance on parenting and raising godly children, it is a wonderful ministry that can easily be shrugged off as "not as important" as a job or something else.  I know it's our responsibility to raise our children in the Lord, not the church's, youth group's, Sunday school's, Christian school's, teacher's, daycare's, other family member's, or anyone else's, but ours.  It really is a vital ministry to raise the next generation especially as Christians, yet somehow with the need in this economy for both parents to work, especially in places like Ashtabula, parenting can get inadvertently pushed aside as almost secondary to everything else in our lives somehow.  I've been there and done that.  I'm sitting here thinking about this and really feeling blessed that I am able to stay home again.  God has done that.  It's not been easy financially with only Lowell working, but Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, has done great things for us.  We are still waiting for our tax return, but until then, our needs are being met daily, by a caring and loving God.  God knew that I wouldn't be able to be the mom Cayla needs right now and in the upcoming year with her heart defect and still be working.  He allowed me to not get any jobs I applied for last fall. It's all good.  Like I said, it's a season.  We won't have our children in our home forever, but I am so thankful that for now, I get the privilege to be home with them and am praising God for providing my hard-working husband with a job to make that possible!  Love you Lowell! 

So it's now 11:30am and I fell asleep after and partly during our Bible time.  Samuel's reading out loud and next thing he knows he's being interrupted by my snoring.  Sorry Samuel.  I fell asleep before 9 and didn't wake up on the couch until 10:45.  I still feel a bit drugged or something.  Here it is, my big goals for the day... clean the bathroom sink, floors and toilet; finish all the dishes; make sure Samuel does his chapter review for Algebra 2 and takes his test; and maybe stamp a few more announcements.  I'm thinking if I get any part of the bathroom done, that will be an accomplishment.  :o)  Samuel will be gone all day Thursday from sun-up to sun-down helping Chris Purdy reroof his parents house in Perry.  He's looking forward to that, but I need to enlist his help around here today and tomorrow... :o)

Oh my, I left my phone upstairs next to my bed and haven't heard it ring.  Elise's dad David had called saying he was on his way, but I missed the call.  When he got here, I was sound asleep on the couch (other end of house from the door) and Samuel was playing video games in his room next to me.  Neither of us heard him knock, so he ended up taking Elise to work with him this morning.  Oops.  Sorry David.  It's a short morning since her mom is done about 12:30, but still, I feel bad.  I think I've told him just to come on in, but oh well.  We didn't get Elise today after all. Totally my fault.  It's nice they're flexible with his work as an Air Force recruiter, but I'm sure they'd rather her not be in the office... I feel horrible the more I type.  Oh well.

Thursday for me and my mother-in-law will be a little busy too while Samuel's gone and Lowell's working.  We get to go to Cleveland Clinic for my morning of pre-op appointments starting at 8am till noon. Whoopy!  Then we get to swing by Hillcrest for my weekly OB appointment after lunch.  I thought I was done at CC, but alas no, I have to do this series of 5 appointments that morning.  Oh yes, and my niece Sheylyn will get to go with us that day too since Grandma is watching her on Easter break.  It'll be a fun day for the girls I'm sure! :o)

Well, off to get some work done!  Thanks again for all the prayers and encouragement!  God is working in all of our lives and especially Cayla's heart.  Thanks!

The calm before the storm...

I feel like I'm definitely in a calm before the storm hits.  Not much has been going on with Cayla.  I know there's still a ton to do before she gets here, but I'm not too worried.  I've just been going through the motions of each day of which includes a nap.  I'm not really sleeping very good at night, thus the naps.  It's been nice not having to worry about a ton of doctors visits although I go each week now to see Dr. Rajabi.  I still am quietly amazed at times to realize I'm pregnant again.  I'm just kind of in the place where I know this is all really happening, but until she's here, I still feel like it's a far off happening that I can't quite imagine.  I guess it's still a little surreal.

Today's OB appointment was a little different.  No measuring her for size, or looking at the same things in the past, but during the ultrasound, she was taking a test to see how she's doing.  She got 2 points for each thing the tech was looking for.  I didn't realize this until close to the end, so I'm not sure what all she was looking for.  She said that Cayla passed everything but she couldn't get her to exercise her lungs and "pretend" to breathe.  She wanted to see her lungs breathe a certain number of times in 30 seconds.  It's not really breathing, but just practicing.  We'd been in there a 1/2 an hour and she only had about 5 minutes or less to get her to complete this.  But, at the last minute, Cayla decided she'd cooperate and did what they were hoping to see her do.  Yay!  So, she passed that test... barely, but she passed.  :o)

Then I got swept away to another room for another test.  They wanted to do a non-stress test on her.  The nurse strapped two monitors around Cayla and me and then she gave me a button to push everytime I felt her move.  Meanwhile the monitors were keeping track of her heart beat and any other possible contraction-like movements.  They wanted to make sure her heart rate increased when she moved.  Well, the little stinker had been moving a good bit during the ultrasound and now was apparently ready for a nap.  She barely moved.  This machine was set to run for 20 minutes of tracking this and she had to have a certain number of matching movements and heartbeats during that time.  Since she wasn't moving, they brought me a glass of ice water, although I think the cranberry juice sounded better, just don't tell Dr. Rajabi.  She caught herself and realized I had gestational diabetes and just brought me the water.  That made Cayla do a huge jump a few minutes later.  Needless to say they got all the movements they needed over the last 5 minutes and she passed with flying colors. :o)  The little procrastinator... where, oh where, would she get that??  Certainly not me...

Overall, she seems to be doing fine.  She had her face down so the picture they sent home with me isn't very good.  He said my sugar numbers were good.  Although I have really struggled with this whole blood sugar thing the last couple of weeks.  I'm craving milk, Rice Krispies, and still peanut butter and tuna fish although not as much on the last two.  I could just pour a gallon of milk directly into a box of cereal and chug it all down.  Problem is, if I even have just the serving size of cereal with less than a cup of milk, my sugar spikes.  It went to 230 after a small bowl the other day... I am getting to a point where being really limited on what I can and can't eat is getting to me.  I'm on a gluten-free diet, a low-carb diet and a very low budget diet right now, which means very little variety.  Boo, hiss.  Just had to vent a little.  Cayla seems to be doing fine and getting all she needs which is good.  I am thankful that Giant Eagle has their "Fruit on the Bottom" yogurt on sale for 50 cents a piece. That has shook up my snack variety a little.  I have 3 and 1/2 weeks left.  I can do this.  I will try to not complain.  I will be thankful for my eggs almost every morning and my tuna almost every lunch. :o)  I will be thankful for the "millions" of apples I get to eat and for corn tortillas and lettuce and salad...  I'm hoping that writing this out will help convince me.  Not sure it's working, but it's worth a try.

My friend, Ann Sutch, brought over a bassinet and an electric baby swing Saturday
with a crib and more to come in the next week or so.  So precious.  I never had a bassinet with Samuel, and I love the thought of being able to have her close to me at night.  We don't have a separate baby room for her, she's just going to have to share with us which is fine with me.  I don't think I could sleep with her in a different room, even with monitors.  I think I'd worry too much.  Lowell thinks the bassinet would be handy downstairs for naps and just use the crib upstairs.  I just love the little bassinet though.  He said we can move the crib next to our bed.  I don't know, we'll see.

I still look at myself pregnant and am just amazed at the thought.  It still seems like a dream at times.  I love feeling her move around... most of the time.  A well placed kick isn't always nice, but you know, you take the good and the bad.  Love the looks people give me.  I can't quite tell what they're thinking.  Many times I think they're thinking, "Isn't she too old to be pregnant?"  Who knows? 

Some more random things...  I was reminded about baby announcements and realized I do need to send some out.  So, since I don't want to have to buy any, and I have everything I could possible need to make my own with all my Stampin' Up! stuff, I'm making them.  Purple, green, flowers and Dazzling Diamonds glitter = girly.  Simple cards, but cute.  :o)  This started out fun, but it's taking more time than I want it to.  Finding addresses and deciding who to send them to is actually more work than making them.  :o) You know how it is.  It's making me get organized.  Why do I want to do that?  Ok, I do want it, but lack the skills to make it happen right now... Time is against me.  I've let my dishes go again and I have got to get in and clean the bathroom.  Lowell did the shower on Saturday, but the rest is still staring me in the face. Glad we only have one bathroom right now.  :o)  I thought I titled this, "The Calm before the storm"?  With all my complaining it doesn't seem to be as calm as I think it is.  Oh well. It's all good. 

I love 1 and 2 Corinthians.  I found these verses again this week and want to share them.  I've used this phrase before, but these verses are where I'm at right now.  Jesus Christ is the only reason I'm where I am today and who I am today!  I love these verses, and I love my Savior for promising this to me.  I'll say goodnight for now before I go do a little more stamping.  :o)

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:

for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 

Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities,

that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

...for when I am weak, then am I strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9, 10b

Dr. Rajabi's visit today

"O give thanks unto the LORD; call upon his name: 

make known his deeds among the people.

Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him: talk ye of all his wondrous works.

Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD.

Seek the LORD, and his strength: seek his face evermore.

Remember his marvellous works that he hath done; his wonders,

and the judgments of his mouth."

Psalm 105:1-5

I have to start off by saying how blessed we are!!  I don't think I totally understood how amazing it is what God has done in our precious Cayla Joy's heart!  I've read parts of other's stories today with this Hypo Plastic Left Heart Syndrome, and all I keep finding is struggles getting through that 1st surgery.  They seem to be making it, but with many setbacks and scary moments.  I found other stories that haven't turned out well.  Reading all this, made me realize just how blessed we are if Cayla really and truly won't need the 1st reconstructive surgery for the aorta!  I'm sure I'll write more about this, but I just have to start tonight by praising God and making known His deeds and wondrous works!

Here's a profile picture from today's ultrasound of our precious Cayla Joy.

Dr. Rajabi didn't mention it today, but has said in the past that he thinks she doesn't have a definitive bone or point in her nose... can't quite remember how he worded it, but time will tell what other little things or even big things might be wrong with our little girl.  We just get to wait and see what all happens.

I did go to Hillcrest today to see my OB, Dr. Rajabi.  I am thankful for my mother-in-law taking me out there.  Actually, she likes me to drive, which I enjoy since my "boys" are always chauffeuring me around everywhere. :o)  It's about 50 minutes, not quite as far as Cleveland Clinic main campus, but still a good drive.  The ultrasound tech was able to finally get a somewhat good look at her left foot.  It's definitely a club foot, but no one's worried about that in comparison to her heart. She was taking 3-D pictures of her foot.  She said Cayla weighs 5lbs 4oz now which is exactly 1 pound more than 2 weeks ago!  She should be gaining about a 1/2 pound a week which is right what she's doing, so he was happy about that.  She's looking good, and I too have gained a pound since last time, thanks to Cayla.  This gestational diabetes is keeping me from any kind of weight gain with this pregnancy.  I am 4 pounds more than when I started.  :o)

I am actually at 34 weeks and 3 days along, but they will induce me at 39 weeks and 1 day, Lord willing.  My due date is April 30th, but D-Day (delivery day) is April 24th. Both our heart rates are great.  Got to see her little heart just a beating away.  It's kind of weird watching it, because you really can see just the one side pumping looking somewhat like it's in some kind of time warp the way it goes in a wave as it pumps.  I have to say that it was almost harder emotionally to see her club foot on the screen than her half of heart.  I don't know why, but I found myself holding my breath as she was finding her little foot.  Maybe because I've seen hours of her heart beating... literally, with Dr. Lorber.  Oh! I can't believe I forgot to tell this right off!  Funny!  I asked Dr. Rajabi if he'd heard the awesome news about her heart and aorta.  He said yes that he'd got a call from Dr. Lorber about it all, but didn't understand most of what Dr. Lorber said, other than she might not need the 1st surgery and has a functioning aorta on the right side of her heart!  My mother-in-law and I had to laugh.  I thought it was just us, but to hear Dr. Rajabi say that he doesn't understand everything Dr. Lorber says was just too funny!  He definitely agreed that Dr. Lorber should take some "How to talk to non-heart specialists" lessons from the surgeon, Dr. Stewart!   Bless Dr. Lorber, he's such a great doctor... I said I wouldn't pick on him, but I had to share.

Moving right along.  Dr. Rajabi went over what to do insulin-wise the night before surgery.  I have to change it up that night to try to get it just right for the next morning.  If my sugar is too high or too low, they will have to postpone surgery to the afternoon.  What's messing it up is the fact that I can't eat after 10pm.  I don't think it will be an issue, but if when the time comes, you think to pray about this for me, I'd appreciate it. 

I also told him about the swelling in my ankles, and he said that is very common and he's only going to worry if my hands or face get swollen.  He said just to work on elevating it at night or afternoon to relieve it and keep doing what I'm doing.  Avoid salt, drink water, elevate it, and he'll check on me next week.  He did say that he wants me coming in every week now which I kind of figured. So, I'm off to elevate my foot.  I did this earlier today and fell fast asleep on the couch.  Samuel said I was snoring so bad, I was sounding like a machine gun going off.  He couldn't resist pulling out his pretend one and "using" it every time I snored like that since I was doing such great sound affects for him... That made me laugh then and is making me laugh now.  I usually wake myself up when I snore, but I didn't hear a bit of it today, so I must have been pretty tired.  Love that boy! :o)

We got home about 6pm tonight from the doctor's, took my insulin, ate, shopped for tennis shoes for Lowell, grocery shopped at 2 different places and then came home.  I sat down, tested my sugar and ate some wonderful, sugar-free popsicles while my sweet 16 year old carried in all the groceries AND put them all away for me.  :o)  I am truly blessed!

I just can't quite express how I feel today after reading other's stories with HPLHS.  It's actually pretty overwhelming to think about.  Such hard stories to read that some I had to quit reading and other's just skimmed over.  I don't think I'm emotionally stable enough right now to read everything, but just enough to really realize the enormity of God's work already done in Cayla's little heart.  All I keep hearing is Dr. Stewart saying, "This is a heart she can live with!" and "There's a chance she might not need that 1st surgery!"  I'm crying all over again just typing this.  There's still so many unknowns yet, but my God who created her is in control of her precious little life.  I have such peace just knowing His will will be done in her life, it does pass all understanding.  That's just how God works.  It's after 11pm again, so I've got to go for now!  Thanks so much for all the prayers! :o)

"And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.

And the evening and the morning were the sixth day."

Genesis 1:31

Five weeks before D-Day

Yes, in 5 weeks I'll be prepped and will have already delivered little Miss Cayla Joy!  Looking forward to it all, even the unknowns!  I let the boys take pictures this morning since I was up and ready...

 Lowell and his attempt to make his belly bigger than mine... plus a cheesy grin.

 Samuel and his cheesy grin... :o) 

I had just made him take his hand down from giving me rabbit ears,

thus the face of... I almost got away with it...

Me, feeling like an overstuffed pillow.  :o)

Thanks to Brenna Joyner for sending me some maternity tops!  I was looking through the box she gave me thinking, most of this is light, summery stuff.  When will I wear this in Ohio?  Well, with the weather the way it is, it's working out great!  Thanks Brenna!  The pants are from Ginny Klein at church.  Thanks!  Kim Hunsicker hemmed them for me and they work great!  I've been blessed with many gifts from many wonderful people!

Plus, good news from the tax front.  Apparently when you close a business and suffer great financial loss, you get a pretty good tax return... Ok, so a splentacularly good tax return... Didn't see that coming, but God has allowed us when this comes in, to be able to pay off the last of the store bills.  We still have the loan for the store we're working on, but my dad has very graciously taken that over for us and has allowed us now to be interest free to continue paying that off to him now.  He's been a huge blessing in doing this for us!  Thanks Dad! 

Off to help Samuel on his Algebra 2 and then help him with a topic for an English paper.  Meanwhile, I'm going to bake a loaf of gluten-free bread.  Better get going, the day is running away quickly leaving me in the dust... :o)

Just letting out a few tears, but it's all good!

Well, I don't know what to do with myself right now.  My left ankle is swollen and I am way too antsy to lay down with my foot up.  I tried to elevate it and read some of the full-sized 3 ring binder at least 1/2 thick that Cleveland Clinic sent me to be prepared for my surgery, the C-section.  Who knew there was possibly that much info needed before surgery?  I didn't get too far. I did read the part about no nail polish, makeup and so on... is this really necessary?  I've got to look beautiful for Cayla's entrance into this world, don't I?  I think so, but whatever. :o)  Surgery is at 8am and we have to be checked in by 6am.  That'll be an early morning, but I get to sleep the rest of the day, I just feel bad for everyone else. 

Oh well, I gave up reading and started feeling the great urge to cry.  I thought I better get up and do something, but was crying before I even made it to the kitchen sink to do dishes.  Of course I had to give into it.  I just scrubbed those dishes even harder. It's just one of those times when I stop and look at everything around me that's not right or perfect and am wanting it to be.  Problem = wrong focus... I cried tears over how I've been struggling to communicate with Lowell today when yesterday was great.  He even bought me flowers yesterday.  I cried over how I overreact to people and have pushed them away.  I cried over Samuel and thought what hope does he have with parents like us?  I cried over everything but Cayla.  I cried about how my back hurt and my shoulders ached.  I cried over the fact that I had too much pride to go upstairs and ask Lowell to massage them.  I'm just being honest here because it's where I'm at.  I'm just feeling a little too many hormones floating around inside me...  I cried because I haven't spent alone time with God the last 2 days.  It pretty much lasted through all the pots and pans and dishes and silverware and glasses and plates and bowls...  Positive note:  My dishes are done and my kitchen counters are all clean!  Yay!  I'm feeling better already just writing this out.  I'm fine, I'm sure.  I know Lowell and I will talk and be fine.  I know I'm pregnant and will blame this on it. :o)  I just felt like venting a little.  Maybe I shouldn't do it on a blog, but oh well.  Every post can't be Polyanna, can it?  Maybe.  I don't know.

When I get like this, I need to be careful what I cry out to God for.  The last time I cried like this was Thursday night, Feb. 2nd.  I remember very distinctly because that night I was on my knees weeping into the sofa, begging God to change me.  Begging God to bring me closer to Him and take away any hypocrisy in my Christian life.  It went on for close to an hour.  I'm sure there was a lot I cried over, but that was the main urgency that night.  I remember because it was the next day, Friday the 3rd that I met Dr. Rajabi for the 1st time at my appointment with a "specialist".  My OB/GYN hadn't warned me about Cayla's problems and that was the day Samuel and I went and found out that Cayla had a major heart defect and a possible club foot and who knows what all.  You ask God for something, you better be ready to get it how He sees fit to give it to you.  It's like asking for patience.  You just don't go there because you're going to end up with 100 annoying people and circumstances in your life just to teach you patience. :o)  Well, I asked God to do whatever it takes to bring me closer to Him, and there it was the next day.  The first news of Cayla's problems.  That's the kind of thing that definitely brings you closer to God, not that that's the reason for all of Cayla's problems.  It's just how God works His timing.  That appointment was already set and her problems were already there, but God waited until I cried out to Him, to let me know about her heart and all.  It's all, once again, in His timing.  I have to say that I and all of us, have been brought closer to God through this.  This is a very good thing.  God's faithful.  I do feel 100 times better after writing in the blog, but it's 11pm and Lowell is telling me to come to bed.  So, I must go.  Until next time. :o)

It's now Monday afternoon and I thought I'd come back and add on to my post from last night.  I went down to the church to practice with Dotty for Sunday, and got talking to my pastor's wife.  I am very thankful for her and her insight.  She made the fatal mistake of asking how I was doing... I just started complaining a bit about yesterday and such.  She listened and told me to remember that even though Lowell and Samuel don't have extra hormones flying around right now, they are still feeling the stress (maybe a different stress than I have) from all that has been going on in our lives.  I can cry and deal with it, but that's not how they'll deal with it.  She said when I cry that adds more stress to them since they don't always know what to do or say with me.  I know that she's right, and I do forget that they are dealing with everything differently than I am.  She told me to do something special for them tonight.  Make a special dinner, or make a dessert, or whatever.  Well, groceries are limited and I don't have a car, so I looked through my cabinets and realized I could make some homemade cinnamon rolls for them.  :o)  It's so amazing how my whole perspective changed with a few wise words from a godly woman.  Nothing earth shattering, but when pregnant, simple things can make a huge difference.  I can't wait to love on my "boys" and make sure they know how much I love them!  And it was easy to make them since my kitchen was all cleaned up this morning!  :o)  Nice how that works out!  Love you Lowell and Samuel!!

"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you."

John 15:12